@distracting_me: I’m beginning to suspect this fat phase isn’t a phase
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@KnownComment: If social media platforms were weddings: FB: ornate wedding in a renaissance church, tasteful reception IG: wedding on the beach, ride off into sunset on horseback Twitter: get drunk married in Vegas by midget Elvis, continue evading cops with possible corpse in trunk
@spittingllama_: When a girl tells u about her favorite animal - "I'd eat one" is not the right response.
@AudraEqualityMc: Sally: I Love You Mommy! Me: Melts into a puddle. Sally(5 minutes later to her breakfast): I Love You Waffles. Me: Oh. ☹️
@Kyle_Lippert: MIND BLOWING SCIENCE FACT: 20% of all car crashes are actually battles between the Autobots and the Decepticons.