As kids, we wondered why our parents were always in a bad mood.
Now we’re like, okay yes this makes sense.
I’m chaperoning a graduation party tonight. I have lots of fun activities planned.
I hope they like monopoly.
You Might Also Like
I can’t wait til there’s a chalk outline filter
Freddie Mercury: I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me
Chorus of Dads: HI JUST A POOR BOY, I’M DAD! SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY
*ninja group therapy
Therapist: Nobody showed up *again*?!
Horrifying if literal: a handbag
Unless you’re planning to lay there shirtless in an open casket, there really is no point to killing yourself with diet and exercise.
The barista was telling everyone in front of me to “have a nice day” but when it was my turn she just handed me my change so I did the only sensible thing I could do and got back in line.
Just hired a dirtying lady. About to watch her and my cleaning lady fight it out.
I don’t pluck my unibrow to look good, I do it because McDonald’s sued me for illegal use of the double arches.
Someday future archaeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think it was some bizarre mouse-worshiping kingdom.