In 5 more years people will be notified of their termination of employment via emoji.
I’m dreaming of getting rich like my father.
Wow your dad must be a rich man.
No, he too is dreaming of getting rich.
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Congratulations to our winner, Todd, who correctly guessed there were “hella jellybeans” in the jar.
Never underestimate the value of a good editor…
There are two types of stuff in life:
1) The stuff you need to know.
2) The stuff you want to know.
scrooge: who are you
ghost: i’m the ghost of christmas present
scrooge: so santa claus
ghost: NOT THAT KIND OF PRESENT
6: Why don’t you juice oranges for me anymore?
Me: You broke my juicer.
6: When I juiced that play dough?
Dear Alcohol, we had a deal. u were suppose 2 make me funnier, smarter & put me in a good mood…. I saw the photos – we need to talk.
Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey
If my husband asks, we took a lit course together in college
Park Ranger: *Looking at morbidly obese ducks* Was this you?
Jesus: *trying to hide the rapidly multiplying bread loaves* No sir