before meds: *hates everything*
after meds: *feels good about hating everything*
I’m extremely good at being so close to getting a prediction right.
I’m like an Almostradamus.
You Might Also Like
Of course he’s going to get re-elected, because once you go Black…
To the Canada goose standing on one leg I watched for six minutes to make sure you had two legs: you sure took your sweet time about it
Okay with female deers & drops of golden sun. But always felt that “La” deserved a better identity than “a note to follow So”
“You’re gonna hate yourself in the morning if you stay up late”
jokes on you im gonna hate myself in the morning no matter what
Wife: omg it’s happening
Me: what is?
*the lights go out, wind rattles the windows*
Wife: the baby is coming
Wife: the baby is coming right now
Me: you’re not pregnant!
*door creaks open*
“I…I don’t know, doc. I guess I’m just tired of being pushed around all the time.”
You can tell your life sucks when you run into traffic and the cars go around you.
Frozen II begins with what every child wants to see: 7 minutes of complicated mythological exposition
Me: One designer baby, please
Doctor: It’s not like that, you..
Me: Please remove the pooping and crying functions
Doctor: What? No, you can’t…
Me: Give it wings and flamethrowers
Me: I’m gonna call her Claire