I’m with you, Hungry Hungry Hippos. I don’t find small plastic balls very filling, either. I can’t believe this what you guys eat in Africa!
I’m getting the sneaking suspicion that my therapist isn’t the one who’s supposed to be crying during our sessions.
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Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the-
Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored
M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen
DON’T STOP BELIEVING!
…..but feel free to be somewhat skeptical from time-to-time
I wonder why they don’t like me using the label maker
The hardest part of being Darth Vader is never being able to sneak up on anyone because your theme music started playing.
It would be fun to be on a hockey team on a road trip just be a guy in constant pain who never graduated grade nine in a hotel trying to figure out how to plug your ps4 you packed in a suitcase into the tv
The people in charge of hell sometimes visit North Korea just to exchange ideas.
Cop: I clocked you going 90 in a 45. What’s the rush?
Me: [embarrassed to admit I’m just really excited to watch the new season of The Great British Baking Show on Netflix] I HAVE A GENERAL DISREGARD FOR THE LAW PIG MAN
Date: “I’m falling in love with you”
Me: *rearranges french fries in plate to read, “we should see other people”