@SardonicTart: I'm going to start eating healthy again so I need to eat this half of a leftover cake to get it out of the house.
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@junejuly12: Her: sobbing, smashing Doritos and cupcakes into her mouth* Him: how was your day, babe?
@1Happytwit: HR said I'm not allowed to try to hang co-workers with an extension cord. Dunno what I'm supposed to use though, they wouldn't tell me.
@PetrickSara: "You saw nothing." -me, to the neighbor kids about the toy I just shoved in the trash