[table of 6 year olds in lab coats]
How are we supposed to find a cure for cooties if we
*bangs fist on table*
CAN’T EVEN FIND WALDO?!
“I’m going to the post office. I need a place stamp”
Wtf is that?
“I dunno but this envelope says I need one here”
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I’ll believe corporations are people when conservatives ban them from marrying each other.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because you saw me eating that cupcake with no hands and you want my autograph?
“You’re going out with that boy again? He’s no good.”
*furiously knits a condom*
“Grandma, that’s not how it works.”
friend: let’s meet up soon
me: *in the crow’s nest of a ship docking outside your house* when though
It’s been six years since my job interview.
I’m beginning to suspect they chose someone else.
im actually a very hot person, don’t let my looks deceive you
ME: Hi I’d like to apply for a job as a contortionist
“When can you come in for an interview?”
ME: I’m flexible
Yelling at me for warming towels in the oven is not going to get the fire department here any faster.