This kid’s parent is the WORST at taking pictures lmfaooo
I’m in charge of eight kids tonight. No big deal though I can be really responsib–
I’m in charge of seven kids tonight. No big deal though
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*nose hairs growing out of control
*buys tiny scissors
*jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs
I get Bi with a little help from my friends.
Me: I’d kill for a body like that
Them: well by monitoring your calorie intake and daily exercise you c-
Me: yeah I’d rather kill
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mother’s room. I can’t believe it… she’s a superhero!
If you’re going to suffocate someone with a pillow, have the goddamn decency to use the cool side.
ANIMAL CROSSING: you pull out a fish you caught two minutes ago and everyone in town applauds you.
STARDEW VALLEY: you spend 19 days growing a carrot and give it to a woman who disdainfully says, “I don’t want this” yet still takes your carrot. The carrot costs 2,000 dollars.
I like when a restaurant has cloth napkins, ’cause then I can unroll them with the calculated fervor of an assassin surveying his tools.
The year is 2316. Humans have 12ft long arms from centuries of taking selfies.
Welcome to earth! You have a choice of private parts. Would you like the one that creates life & bleeds or the constant bad decision maker?