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@BlacB: "I'm in your city".
me: ok. enjoy it.
@Marlebean: I like to start my mornings w/ a luxurious deep tissue massage*
*kids climbing all over me until they puncture my spleen & I finally get up
@reczit: Eighty seven percent of single people are single because they don't want to share their pizza with anyone.
@caithuls: [calling front desk]
ME: Hey can y'all wash these sheets for me
CONCIERGE: Uh oh something naughty?
ME: [thinking about how I made myself into a blanket burrito with real beans] yah
@KentWGraham: Made the mistake of dropping my pants when my dentist put on latex gloves.
@thepaulahunt: Whenever I see a good looking firefighter, I stop, drop, and roll, so he knows I'm knowledgeable about fire safety.