@MissSassy_Pants

I’m into the “girl next door” type. Until the restraining order takes effect and I have to move.

Then I’m into the “cute, angry girl that’s always 50ft away from me” type.

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@karlainvt

It’s so cute how my kids think I’m going to go look for them after I finish counting to ten.

@birbigs

3 Doors Down: “Okay, so we’ve named the band. Now what?”

@audipenny

I am dressed in all grey and a man also dressed in all grey just stared at me and for a second I got very nervous that he thought I was him

@Squizbot

I would never cheat in a relationship
because that would require two people finding me attractive.

@Notoliviasteel

“THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
2012: omg please no
2016: are we doing this or not

@NamestartswithZ

ME IN 2010: My prospects for the future are bright and I am focused on them
ME IN 2017: I’m going to tweet about a raccoon who outwits me