I’m just a girl, standing in my kitchen, forgetting what I came in here for.
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No, officer, no one is being murdered. I just had to rinse the shampoo out of my child’s hair.
Me:*about to chop vegetables, picks up a knife,*. That’s not a knife.
*picks up a larger knife,* Now that’s a knife!
Husband: You’re starting to loose your mind a little over there Crocodile Dundee.
Isaac Newton was the pride of the family until his great great grandson Fig was born.
Me: How much for the selfie stick?
Him: Sir, that’s an Olsen twin.
Me: I’ll take it.
me: How many calls do I get?
me: What do you think is more likely? a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel?
Canadian Army training is 6 weeks of learning how to throw a snowball.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
Me: Im still mad at you for last night
Hub: Well Today is the 1st. Which means that happened last month. Which means youre being ridiculous
Person: “These socks are itchy.”
“That’s not true. I have socks that aren’t itchy.”
“You shouldn’t generalize about socks.”
“Some people need itchy socks. Stop crapping on them.”
“First-world foot problems.”
“The real problem is shoes.”