@AimeeHelene1

I’m just a girl, yodeling at the top of my lungs, until someone agrees to give me this latte for free.

You Might Also Like

@baronvonbike

Marriage is mostly blaming your spouse for not listening to the things you say, even when you’re not entirely sure you’ve said them out loud.

@WhaJoTalkinBout

I’ll scaramouche, but I don’t do the Fandango for every little silhouetto of a man.

@ThugRaccoons

Satan: Welcome to Hell.

Me: Dude! This is a tropical paradise! Bikini clad women. Alcohol as far as the eye can see.

Satan: I know, pretty sweet, right? Now, take this group of toddlers to the beach. For the day. All day. Everyday.

Me: Sonofa….

@humanaaron

cashier: would you like a receipt?

me: . o O (if someone is being murdered right now it would be my alibi but if someone gets murdered in the store they could pin it on me)

cashier: well?

me: I want to talk to a lawyer

@GrowlyGrego

Hey nice try, people named Tristan. Or I should say Stan Stan Stan.

@ka_waltz

your body is a ghost factory that takes one lifetime to produce a ghost

@Jonesy_donkey

Not sure if my toddler goes to daycare or a disease-of-the-month club