My cat that died 3 years ago got a letter saying she needs to register if she wants to vote, showing how well Florida handles elections.
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Me: I spy something gray.
4yo: Your hair!
Me: I spy something adopted.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}
You are right, 27 is “just a number” but I’m looking for a man, not a boy.
PS: Save my number… just in case I change my mind.
“Hi, I’m here for Paradox Club.”
-Actually this is Oxymoron Club.
“Ok, same difference.”
*looks at group*
-Oh, this guy is good.
I took 1000 photos of water vapor & uploaded them to the Cloud. Now we wait.
Honey, look what I found on our son’s computer *opens folder of walkthroughs, wife starts sobbing* I’m calling the police
TRAINER: im hungry
ME: ok lets ea-
ME: i mean-hey hungry im dad
Girl: *blowing kisses to boyfriend across the room*
Me: *runs in and swats kisses out of the air*
update: the light went out in my fridge so i had to eat everything so it wouldn’t get scared
20’s: You can eat whatever you want.
30’s: Just two slices of pizza. You’re watching your weight.
40’s: You gained four pounds watching an Olive Garden commercial.