I WAS LIKE
AND HE WAS LIKE
AND I WAS LIKE
AND SHE WAS LIKE
(The speech impediment of the 21st century)
I’m looking at the serving size of Laughing Cow cheese and I see why the cow is laughing.
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I keep trying to turn my hat around backwards so I can get down to business, but it’s a sombrero and I’m making zero progress.
At what age do you have THE talk with your daughter about how she is not the princess of anything and she’ll need to get a job.
Is it 6?
Me: WHY DID YOU EVEN COME HERE IF YOU DIDN’T WANT TO BE WITH ME!!
Him: Ma’am please just take your pizza.
Me: you’re mad at me about what happened earlier aren’t you?
Arresting officer: little bit
ER Doc: you know you could have avoided these 3rd degree burns by walking away from the explosion at regular speed
Me: did it look cool tho
imagine not being able to use your imagination.
Don’t even THINK about “honey”ing me if you’ve shrunk the damn kids…
Last-second gift idea. Bring a tag and put it on any present already under the tree. Call other person a liar. Be willing to fight him/her.
my Playstation got stolen… i have no one to console me.