Husband preps two bowls of ice cream. Hands me the one that appears slightly smaller in size.
Are you calling me fat?
I’m looking for something with the health benefits of yoga but absolutely none of the yoga
You Might Also Like
BACK IN OUR DAY, WE DIDN’T HAVE ANY FANCY EPI-PENS!!!
We just died…
AND WE LIKED IT!!!
i like elevator conversations because i know there’s a time limit
If you can’t spell, we can’t hangman.
That awkward moment when your doctor tells you that you have tennis elbow from repetitive hand motion and you don’t own a tennis racket ….
If you come across a stranger in a dark alley immediately hug him so he knows you’re not a threat.
Him: Hey, you really think that doing all those shots are going to make you forget that you got fired?
Me: I got fired?
The fastest way to get your kids to shut up is to ask them a question you want answered.
Airbags should deploy in the form of balloon animals. Sure, you’ve been in an accident, but now you have a whimsical puppy dog.
9 called to ask how much bleach it takes to get purple ink out of carpet and because she’s so cute and at her dad’s I went with all of it!