Perhaps nothing is more overrepresented in film than snow globes.
I’m more comfortable hearing my five-year-old repeat swear words in public than I am hearing him say “uh-oh!” from another room.
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this cannot be real
me telling my computer i’ll update everything tomorrow
date: [walking out of the theater after seeing happy feet] that was so cute
me: [has a foot fetish] it was fine
Watching my mother-in-law order at Starbucks is like watching a drunk gorilla try to start a car with a french fry.
Wrapping presents takes a LOT longer when your kid sneaks up behind you & cuts off your arm with an empty wrapping paper tube lightsaber.
Been working out. Pretty sure I can beat up half the kids from “Stranger Things” now.
(praying for the first time in a long while and trying to be extra flattering to god): sweetheart,
I love when you look into someone’s eyes and you can just see their face light up because they are some sort of cyborg with face lighting.