I date men whom have their life paths laid out firmly and don’t waver.
Yes, their paths are Psycho and Socio, but consistency is admirable.
I’m my own boyfriend when it comes to farts
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Husband: *struggling to get soap out of the bottle*
Me: you know you could refill it
Husband: nah if you leave it long enough it fills up on its own
Me: do you think I’m the soap fairy!!?
Husband: omg are you?
Me: I hate you
Watching Star Wars and 9 asked in all innocence why they don’t have ejector seats on the X-wings and TIE fighters.
Ejector seats. Ejector seats in space.
I think it’s safe to start drinking that college fund now.
*holding cardboard sign by intersection*
NOT POOR JUST ON MY WAY TO BREAK DANCING SCHOOL
A gathering of crows is called a murder.
A gathering of eagles is called a convocation.
A gathering of old girlfriends is called a mistake,
…a terrible, terrible mistake.
Petulant: (defn.) a cat or dog you let a friend borrow
What wine goes well with two ungrateful teenagers, an oppressive boss and insurmountable credit card debt?
Waiter: And how did you find the wine?
Me: Well the first clue was the bottle in the middle of the table
No one girl should have all that power. 😂
Review of Black Holes: Zero Stars