I have discovered there is no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess that means it’s not worth trying hash browns.
I’m not a professional photographer, I’m just a club photographer. I take pictures at the club & people pay me to delete them.
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I want to know the backstory of when an eyelash turns evil and says “That’s it. I’m done protecting the eye. I’m going in to destroy it now”
Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible.
A cemetery foreman discovers that his employees cremated a body he explicitly told them to bury.
“You’ve made a grave mistake!” He fumes.
A warlock cursed me to forever be standing in line behind people trying to remember the name of a movie, and I know exactly what movie it is
“I don’t have this many cats to sleep alone,” I yell threateningly down the hall to my cats who are all sleeping in the living room.
– My dad (driving my car): How long has your car been doing this?
– Me: …Doing what?
well they’re gonna sell out pretty quick!
Yes you impress me but so does a new set of windshield wipers.
*sees any 3 stars in a row*
“that’s orion’s belt”