@tnylgn: I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid my friends will give me the funeral I told them I wanted when I was drunk.
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@Jacob_Swift16: Me: do you want to hear what happened to the last guy who threatened me? Bumper cars operator: i meant your time is up, like for the ride
@ninjadinosaur1: None of my Barbies are speaking to each other because Ken got Skipper pregnant again. You can imagine the tension in my house tonight.
@jonnysun: a•c•q•u•a•i•n•t•a•n•c•e•s (tv show, sitcom): six peopel avoid grabbing a cup of coffee together for 10 years