@vulcan_kelly: I'm not being creepy but i can see thru my binoculars that your family portrait is hanging crooked on your wall
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@SortaBad: My dad lied a lot. I was 17 before I realized the 'Silver Table Cat' wasn't a real species, and that we didn't own a pet, we owned a toaster
@Darlainky: I once stayed at an Airbnb where the bathroom had a jacuzzi, a heated floor and warmed towels. I prefer hotels now, because I don’t have to be forcibly removed from them.
@Cheeseboy22: When people ask, "Don't I know you from somewhere?", I reply "Yes, we were best friends as children until you murdered my puppy."