@pakalupapito: i’m not “cute” awkward. i’m “what the hell is wrong with you” awkward.
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@mynameisntdave: "Excuse me waiter, can I have a fork?" "Is Pepsi okay?"
@I_am_Lukem: Get your hero name by doing something brave and seeing what the newspapers call you. I'm Local Man.
@food_shoes_life: Everyone say hi to the lady reading my phone over my shoulder.
@PleaseBeGneiss: [heaven] ME: so about those footprints... GOD: footprints? ME: from when you carried me GOD: wasn’t me ME: well then who— GOD: *shivers* that’s some spooky shit
@EricGoldie: Crocs are suicide notes you can wear.
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