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Not only did I find 5 grey hairs on the top of my head but they were also sticking straight up. So….I’m transforming into Albert Einstein.


whoever decided how to spell camouflage is a terrible terrible person


Can you imagine liking anyone well enough to go into pairs figure skating?


The boys I nanny for just asked me where I work and I didnt have the heart to tell them their parents pay me to hang out with them so now they think I work at Chili’s


Me: Who is the most handsome man in the world?

Wife: Ewan McGreggor

Me: Thank you but you can only pick one


3yo: *follows me into bathroom*

Me: “Privacy, please”

3yo: “Oh, right” *closes door*

“Now we have privacy, Mommy”


Brain: eat that entire pizza

Stomach: please don’t

Me: *eats pizza*

Stomach: i hurt so much

Me: i feel sick

Brain: eat that dessert

Me: okay

Stomach: oh my god