My 1-year-old has been beeping at me all morning.
I thought there was something wrong with her.
Turns out she’s being R2-D2.
“I’m not going to eat anything today”
You Might Also Like
I hate it when I get my days mixed up and I accidentally take my stupid wife out instead of my girlfriend.
Been playing hide n’ seek with my niece and nephew for the last three hours. I guess I should get off twitter and go and look for them now.
[after the flood]
noah: a lot of those people you killed were my friends
god: i’m sorry here’s a rainbow
noah: that doesn’t really help
god: maybe if you’d stop whining you’d have more friends
Finding $5 you didn’t know you had is awesome til you realize you’re 34, it’s 2011 & $5 won’t even buy enough gas to drive you off a cliff.
Pigeons always look like they’re jamming out to an invisible iPod.
Hate your job as a calendar maker?Need a way to get fired? Easy.
Just take a day off
6. MY FAVOURITE TEXT POST OF ALL TIME PROBABLY
Christian Bale named his son Burrito Bale when he could have named him Taco Bale. I want that noted the next time the conversation comes up about who’s the best Batman.
When Sting dies I’m calling him Stung.