“I’m not going to eat anything today”

You Might Also Like


My 1-year-old has been beeping at me all morning.

I thought there was something wrong with her.

Turns out she’s being R2-D2.


I hate it when I get my days mixed up and I accidentally take my stupid wife out instead of my girlfriend.


Been playing hide n’ seek with my niece and nephew for the last three hours. I guess I should get off twitter and go and look for them now.


[after the flood]

noah: a lot of those people you killed were my friends

god: i’m sorry here’s a rainbow

noah: that doesn’t really help

god: maybe if you’d stop whining you’d have more friends


Finding $5 you didn’t know you had is awesome til you realize you’re 34, it’s 2011 & $5 won’t even buy enough gas to drive you off a cliff.


Pigeons always look like they’re jamming out to an invisible iPod.


Hate your job as a calendar maker?Need a way to get fired? Easy.

( •_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■


Just take a day off


Christian Bale named his son Burrito Bale when he could have named him Taco Bale. I want that noted the next time the conversation comes up about who’s the best Batman.