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@tsm560: I’m not gonna apologize for being me. I tried that once and no one would accept it
@BakwasRadio: Whenever a guy peeps into my phone, I open the front cam and take a selfie with him.
@fishbowel: Friend: *checking bag* one bag
Airline: why is it so heavy
Me: *loudly from inside the suitcase* say u have heavy clothes
@dankmccoy: Insane Clown Posse is really giving a bad name to all the rational clown posses out there.
@slimmy_shady: 3 am phone call, "Hey, are you asleep?" Nope, Im skydiving.
@fro_vo: [at the grocery store] yes i would like one grocery please