Sometimes I pretend I’m picking up lunch for the office even tho the KFC workers can clearly see me eating that bucket in their parking lot.
I’m not letting anyone into my head until I’ve cleaned up the place.
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I don’t understand billionaires who still work. You have a thousand million dollars. If I won $500 in a lottery ticket I’d try to retire
Unless you don’t like each other
Then it’s pretty okay
High schoolers: You’ve sat in a chair for 4 years. How would you like to do that again, but this time at enormous cost to you?
Holy shit. I just realized this sales kid is treating me this way because he thinks I’m old
Getting a snowstorm today. They said it would start around noon, it’s now 12:02, so already the meteorologists were wrong.
Oh ya, let’s sit down and talk about it!
*That’s how I end and win any argument with hubby.
Give a toddler a crayon and he will eat that crayon. Teach him how to color and he will eat more crayons.
What if I said I wanted it all, right now, with you?
Costco worker: Ma’am, please save some cheese samples for other shoppers.
*Closes refrigerator door and hears contents inside fall*
Well… sounds like a problem for the next person.