@jwalkonthemoon

I’m not normally a name-dropper but Tiger Woods asked me to start his car in the dream I just had.

I’m not normally a name-dropper but Tiger Woods asked me to start his car in the dream I just had.

- @jwalkonthemoon

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@KenJennings

FREE $1,000,000,000 IDEA: a Tumblr-type platform for list-making called Schindlr

@whatmaddness

The atoms that make up your body are ancient things, recycled over millions of years. You are made of stars, and also dead raccoons.

@Thynebear

[buying condoms] Do you have anything bigger? Like if someone wanted to pretend to be a slippery ghost for a day, or something like that.

@Pork_Chop_Hair

If you are stressed and it’s making me stressed, then your desserts are also my desserts. That’s science. Now be quiet and hand me a spoon.

@DadandBuried

60% of parenting is making grand plans to do something special with your kids and then hoping they forget about them so you don’t have to go.

@WoodyLuvsCoffee

Not saying you’re shady but there is a family of squirrels gathered around your ankles.

@QwertyJones3

How pale and flabby do I have to be before I am legally a jellyfish?