@rage_chaos

I’m not paranoid, but I feel like there’s someone reading this…

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@3sunzzz

I find it odd that when someone dies we refer to them as late, my late Aunt Polly. Aunt Polly isn’t late, she’s not coming.

@BallsMcBallski

It’s been five minutes since Adobe asked me to install an update. I hope they didn’t go out of business or something.

@Darlainky

Your attempt to intimidate me with your knuckle cracking is a waste of time, I’m quite aware it’s a gas bubble between your bone & joint.

@XplodingUnicorn

Me: These books are half price.

Wife: Yeah.

Me: So I can save money.

Wife: Uh huh.

Me: By buying ten times as many.

Wife: NO.

@thesulk

Hulu coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.

@Book_Krazy

[First Date]

Me: I can’t believe we’re on a date! It’s not cause my fathers rich is it?

Him: No. He’s very handsome too

Me: CHECK PLEASE

@McNevich

Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman

@dumbbeezie

I don’t care how many stars this restaurant has, I’m ordering the grilled cheese sandwich

@SortaSarcastic

Pick up a book, any book. Open to the middle, and read the first paragraph.
Make sense?
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