@Book_Krazy

I’m not really a ‘walk of shame’ kind of girl. Im more of a ‘put it back in my nightstand drawer when I’m finished & roll over’ kind of girl

You Might Also Like

@13spencer

Everybody is a kid of some decade, but “90’s kids” are the only ones who are annoying about it.

@DrakeGatsby

*dipping a tortilla chip into an active volcano*

Me: This salsa is spicy

@DareDarilyn

Before being born, I wish I would have been able to select the difficulty level of my life.

@

a:1:{s:7:”retweet”;i:1;}

@Thynebear

Did you seriously hire a mentally unstable person to drive our kids just so you could say he’s driving them crazy?
Me as a principal: Maybe

@SortaBadass

When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say “the baby is crowning!” and they’ll laugh and laugh

@TheWidowmakerX

My boyfriend insists he told me something a few days ago and I know he didn’t.

*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*
*Don’t say it*

*For the love of God- don’t say it*

Must have been your other girlfriend

@DrakeGatsby

me: i refuse to put the word “dad” in my handle and make all my tweets about parenting. i love my son but i am still my own person and need to maintain my own identity.

them: weird way to start a custody hearing and what is a “handle?”