I’m not religious but I’m spiritual, which means I think the mothman prophecy is real and I don’t feel bad about shoplifting

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I don’t care how old you are, the only safe way to guarantee the monster under the bed doesn’t grab you is to use the run and jump method.


The opposite of isolate is yousoearly. Please don’t block me.


The casting of the Little Mermaid is a joke. You need someone who can hold their breath for an hour and a half at least or the movie just isn’t believable.


To those folks who retweet my timeline and get my phone buzzing
*thank you
*I see you
*I love you
*we married now
*it’s too late
*it’s done


Me: [opens front facing camera at a funeral and starts crying]

“he must’ve meant a lot to her.”


When his teacher told us that our toddler is kind and sweet to the other kids in school I was so relived. If he treated other people the way he treated me he’d be in jail.


PLEASE LEAVE CHRIS BROWN ALONE, in the woods, surrounded by a pack of wolves.


[Justice League HQ]
Batman: Hahaha *changes his HBO GO® password and doesn’t give the new one to The Flash*


Whale: Hey did you hear I have a new girlfriend? She’s aaall over me it’s crazy.
Eel: For the last time barnacles don’t count as girlfriends