Her:”What do you do?”
Me:”I teach astronomy.”
Her:”OMG!! I’m a Sagitarius! Can you see my future?”
Me:”Yes, you’ll go home alone tonight.”
I’m not saying my family watches too much tv, but our 5yo just stood up from our family campfire and asked me to pause it.
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“On my way” I said, pretending to drive my bed.
Waiter, Waiter, my date spilled her water.
No problem, I’ll get you another one.
Thanks, but make sure she likes football.
#WaiterJokes #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
There are only two things in this world visible from space. One is the Great Wall of China and the other is my pile of laundry.
Memes like this are the reason I still use social media.
“Well that can’t be right.” – dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it’s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
I only buy stuff I need on Amazon.
*Opens new metal detector*
My wife put toilet paper on automatic purchase and delivery from Amazon so we never run out.
Escape room, but it’s just me locking myself in the car again