this has become my life
I’m not saying women are smarter than men, but its kinda ironic that there’s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
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The Elm Street Daycare Centre has a strict “no naptime” policy.
Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.
WIAT THIS MEME HAD A FULL STORY?????????????
My 3yo asked what my favourite animal is and when I said penguin she yelled ‘NO IT ISNT’ and then she yelled at me until I agreed that my favourite animal was a bat and I don’t like bats. Or 3 year olds.
My first subtweet was in the 3rd grade when I added extra glitter to Nathan’s Valentine.
Astrology person: what’s your siiiiggnnnnnn
Me: I think I’m a stegosaurus
Me: *waves back*
[TRYING TO IMPRESS NEW GIRLFRIEND]
‘Oh yeah, I love to cook!’
*removes salad from the microwave
– looking for shells on the north pole beach