Heard covid makes everything taste like lacroix. I am now wearing seven masks
I’m not saying you’re on twitter too much, but your six-year-old is running an arms trade with the Mexican drug cartel out of his tree fort.
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Me: Yeah man, got her right where I want her
Bartender: Oh yeah?
Me: Yup, sitting at home while the cable man works on th
Her: could things get any worse?
Me: *adds raisins* there you go.
M. Night Shyamalan: *hiding*
M. Night Confidentamalan: Hey guys! How is everyone?
My only real regret in life is not pretending to be a shark in a heavily populated swimming area. But there’s still time.
I saw a woman really screaming at her kids in public this morning, but in her defense, the kids were ugly.
Hubby’s ex emailed him wanting to “reconnect”.
I wanna pretend to be him & set it up so I can re CONNECT my foot up her ass
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter
STEP 2: Receive email newsletter
STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life
Top Seven Bacon for Breaking:
7. Bacon point
6. Bacon even
5. Bacon Benjamin
4. Bacon my heart
3. Bacon Bad
2. Bacon the law
1. Bacon wind
Sorry, I can’t be around you today.
The temptation to smack you in the face is just too great.