@Reel2Dialog2

I’m not seeing “cat herder” on any of these job websites.

You Might Also Like

@ryaninco

God: I will create a being to cook, clean, serve and obey. Adam: what will it cost me? God: an arm and a leg. Adam: what can I get for a rib

@rockymomax

Cop: You doin drugs?
“No”
Cop: Whatya smokin?
“Pot”
Cop: THATS DOING DRUGS
“Ohh I thought you meant like [whispers] having sex with drugs”

@ArfMeasures

[Chasing a dog on my bike]

Me *breathlessly* how is he reaching the pedals?!

@PetrickSara

Brushing my daughter’s hair

Me: Why is your hair SO tangled?
5: I don’t know. Glue maybe?
Me: Did you put glue in your hair?
5: Yes.

@Tmoney68

Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you’re bound to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it’s known as Squid Pro Quo.

@tastefactory

People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.

@ShortSleeveSuit

[dark alley]

DRUG DEALER: *hands me the stuff*

ME [extremely street smart]: does this come in a generic version?

@sixfootcandy

[gym]
Excuse me, can I borrow your towel? This cinnamon roll is really sticky.

@dbgindy

Married men live longer then single men. So if you want a slow death…… πŸ˜‰