The last time I was 100% sure about a decision was in 3rd grade, and that box of 64 crayons with the built in sharpener didn’t disappoint.
I’m not sure if this clerk is smiling at me bc he knows I’m high or bc we’re both high, but it’s been 6 minutes and we’re still just smiling
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Friend: a Viking burial would be awesome some day
[A few days later]
Me:*fires a flaming arrow into his kayak while he’s white water rafting*
Great… I tried to kill a spider with glitter body spray and it didn’t work
Now I have a spider that won’t stop dancing and insists I call her cinnamon
Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard…..
You’re not a hopeless romantic. You’re just stupid.
Octopus – 8 arms
Octagon – 8 sides
Octuplets – 8 babies
October – 8th month
I’m burning this world down
me: i feel anxious
body: here I make u sweat it will calm u down
me: i feel much worse
body: ok ok I make u throw up u relax now
Bear saves fish from drowning. Nature really is amazing
Motel 6: We’ll leave the light on for you.
Motel 6’s Dad: What am I, made of money?