It’s nice that lions don’t mind looking like 80’s rock stars.
“I’m not that kind of girl.”
~That kind of girl
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brain: omg you’re late for work!
me: oh shit *jumps out of bed*
brain: lmao you’re so gullible
A haunted house where they make you look at your checking account balance.
If someone is whistling they:
1. Just killed someone
2. Are on their way to kill someone
3. Are plotting to kill someone
To those out there who have accused me of selling out, of abandoning my beliefs and values to climb the social ladder: uh… yeah. yes.
To people calling themselves “Grammar Nazis”: you’re not correcting grammar so much as punctuation or spelling. Hi, I’m a Nomenclature Nazi.
I told the kids they’ve stressed me out so much I burst a vessel in my eye, so they brought me a plate of cheese.
I was hoping for a clean kitchen but I am disarmingly soothed.
google logo keeps changing its appearance because it killed a man in Tampa in 1999 and has to stay ahead of the law
No laws when master is gone
Waitress: Welcome to the Karma Cafe
Me: What do you sell here
Waitress: Just desserts