@WheelTod: I’m not the type of superstitious idiot who worries about bad luck on Friday 13th. That’s silly. Me, I just take off to a nice quiet cabin in the woods, slaughter a pack of over-sexed teenagers, then kick back and chill.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dumbbeezie: I was washing my car and my neighbor said when I’m done I can wash his car too and we laughed and laughed and then I water boarded him
@Donnie_Fairburn: Most of my tweets have been coming from a very dark place lately. That's what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
@LuvPug: *puts 7 pairs of yoga pants on counter* Cashier: planning on getting in shape I see Me: god no, these are the only pants that fit me now