@omically
@WilliamAder
Are iPads supposed to be red with two white knobs on the bottom?
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@WilliamAder
@charstarlene
The corner of this table hurt me and made me cry, so now we’re dating
@AbbieEvansXO
Detective: one of you is the murderer
The actual murderer: *remains calm*
Me, innocent: *starts sweating, heart rate goes through roof, displays every sign of guilt it is possible to display*
@computerfact
humans: lets invent computers so they can do work for us and we can be free to see our families or write poems or whatever
also humans: actually if you dont have a job society will murder you it turns out
@WookieOnUnicorn
Review of Black Holes: Zero Stars
@pbear79
He died doing what he loved most…
Correcting my grammar.
@TuffyNyC
The next person who calls it an ATM Machine is getting sent to the ICU Unit.
@scriptjunkie1
The struggle is real.
@LindseyEllison2
If I ever go to prison I will immediately go up to the biggest person and tickle them.
@jakob_huber
“What’s your name?”
“I am Daenerys Targaryen, Mother of Dragons, Khaleesi to Drogo’s riders-”
*Starbucks barista quits on the spot*