@darkmatter_wimp: I'm on a new diet where all I eat is soup on weekdays. It's called: Miso Hungry.
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@ComedicBust: ME: Idk why, but I always chop the counter with my credit card like I’m cutting cocaine whenever I’m buying something. GF’S FATHER: How did you meet my daughter?
@AristotlesNZ: Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet. 4yo: .. Me: .. 4yo: .. Me: .. 4yo: I don't have any other feet.. Me: Fair enough.
@sad_tree: *a dog sits down at a roulette table and pushes his life savings in chips to the center* Put it all on Grey