@BooFricketyHoo: I'm on Twitter because my brother got a chemistry set for christmas when he was little and I got plaid pants.
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@sarbeaaaar: MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED
@funflaps: BATMAN: I was lost as a child and raised by bats ANTMAN: I was lost as a child and raised by ants SUPERMAN: I was lost as a child and raised by soup
@slimmy_shady: Cop: Are you drunk or high on drugs? Me: No officer. Cop: Your pupils are dilated. Me: (Paranoid) WHA!, how'd you know I teach fat kids?!