A ninja turdle is when you poop really fast.
I’m only human — unless I have to figure out a captcha, then I am unable to prove that I am a human.
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Children are the best fundraisers because they don’t understand economics:
Principal: The student who raises $500 dollars for the school will get this free hat
12 year old me: That is such a great deal
At the end of the day, it’s 11:59pm.
Make your daily standup meeting shorter
FYI – so it IS illegal to put a skylight on the 5th floor of an 8th floor apartment building
#Itssocoldthat..A streaker froze in mid-streak! The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring
“Do you have any children?”
Hannibal: “Freezer. Bottom, right.”
how can i suffer but with music
“Huge hole found growing on surface of Sun”
*drops string cheese*
“This hole is no cause for alarm”
*picks up string cheese*
My husband and I have been in an open marriage for five years. I hope he’s ok with it when he finds out.