@TheCatWhisprer

I’m only human — unless I have to figure out a captcha, then I am unable to prove that I am a human.

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@aschiavone

Children are the best fundraisers because they don’t understand economics:

Principal: The student who raises $500 dollars for the school will get this free hat

12 year old me: That is such a great deal

@sarousti

FYI – so it IS illegal to put a skylight on the 5th floor of an 8th floor apartment building

@boxergraphix

#Itssocoldthat..A streaker froze in mid-streak! The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring

@UncleDuke1969

“Do you have any children?”

Hannibal: “Freezer. Bottom, right.”

@LnL245

“Huge hole found growing on surface of Sun”

*drops string cheese*

“This hole is no cause for alarm”

*picks up string cheese*

@OhhScarlet23

My husband and I have been in an open marriage for five years. I hope he’s ok with it when he finds out.