1. Tattoo “I’M WATCHING YOU” on your shaved head.
2. Grow hair and wait for daughter’s boyfriend to come over.
3. Shave head in front of him
I’m opening a funeral home that has a bar in it. I know right?
You Might Also Like
I wanted a 6 pack, so I started Hip Hop abs.
Quit 1/3 of the way through.
Ended up with a 2Pac.
“And the award for best empty chasm goes to…Howling Void!”
HOWLING VOID: [howling]
This waitress thinks I just left a really good tip, but actually I’m just really bad at math.
When someone says something stupid my rump wiggles like a water buffalo getting shot by a tranquilizer dart and I walk away a few paces before collapsing on a termite hill
A note of apology to the people who complained about our #BlackPanther posts, saying “Wakanda isn’t real”:
[coming through customs]
Okay Sir 1 last thing before we’re done. Is there anything you’d like to declare?
“I’ve had sex.”
My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.
8 teens in the the garage. I hear the miter saw and drill going. I’m just going to sit back and let Darwin take care of things in there.