@CheryeDavis

I’m perfectly fine with kissing frogs to find a prince…But I draw the line at kissing snakes.

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@curlycomedy

Songs with lyrics like, “We don’t need sleep,” why are you rebelling against naps? What are you–four?

@EvilPandaX

I think at my age the next tattoo will be more responsible like a dragon across my back but doing his taxes.

@TheAlexNevil

Most of being a parent means saying “Great!!” when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.

@GuyBreakup

Her: I heard you like to break the rules

Me: [chewing a mouthful of silica packets] you heard right, babygirl.

@jimmytorosian

Me: “I have octopus like reflexes.”

Person: “Don’t you mean cat like reflexes?”

Me: *squirting him with ink* “Nope.”

@Jamberee13

Me: Why is a squid throwing away all my stuff?

Calamarie Kondo: What

@TheCatWhisprer

It’s always good to tell people to “stay safe” during a distaster just in case they didn’t know.

@GabbbarSingh

Until you can’t kill a spider with an e-book, Print media will live.