HR: You know why we called you down?
HR: You know we monitor internet usage right?
Me: I’d like to reporting a hacking.
I’m Phoenician, as in, “Nobody better stop me from Phoenician all of these donuts.”
You Might Also Like
Life is like a Rubik’s Cube
It may look like a jumbled mess at first, but in the end it will make you want to beat the shit out of someone.
I told my wife I wanted a ferret, and the very idea made her so mad that for a second I thought I had mistakenly brought home a ferret.
“The Great Gatsby” is an awesome book about a rich guy who can’t get laid.
date: this is my first time at a french restaurant
me: i feel like i’ve been here once before
date: are you having deja vu?
me: no i’m having the chicken
My wife was going to make pancakes. Then she wasn’t. Then she was. Then wasn’t. Then was. Now it looks like she’s just waffling.
Well I guess someone had to be the cautionary tale. You’re welcome, everyone.
me, when I was a centaur and dropped a contact
Being an adult
Pros)You can eat anything you want
Cons)You can’t eat anything you want
i find it kind of funny / i find it kind of sad / the dreams i have most often are weird picnics with my Dad