“anyone for turkey burgers?”
turkey: well sure haha
“oh, it’s not a burger for turkeys”
turkey: what is it then
turkey: say it
I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn’t my first choice but my doctor told me I can’t have any biologically.
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I found a voodoo doll covered with pins on my doorstep. Too bad their plan backfired. They used an acupuncture technique and I’m feeling better than ever.
Your quarantine name is your Amazon username and password.
My grandma coined the term “TC” in 1988 to refer to her tuna casserole.
me: wats ur favorite cheese
me: o thats ok let me kno when u remember
“You do realize it’s a crime to lie in court, right?”
*I think for a moment and then move my hands closer together*
Batman: Introducing, the Robinmobile.
Robin: I’m so excited!
Robin: Bruce, that’s a car bed…
Batman: You’re welcome.
This is the best one I’ve seen
“We just want to find someone who will-”
*sly grin* -Finish our sentences?
-death row inmates
The best part about talking to a narcissist is how there isn’t any pressure to add to the conversation.