I’m pleased to announce that I will continue using the word Kafkaesque to describe things, and I am proud of my commitment to never learn what it means.

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[Writing Silence of the Lambs]

Anyone have an idea for the cannibal’s name?

Jim: Hannibal?


Jim: Hannibal

Anyone other than Jim?


I am an Indian and I can tell you that Brits take forever to leave. #Brexit #BrexitShambles


*opens tube of pillsbury crescent rolls*

*crosses off list: do one thing everyday that scares you.*


I got an email from Olga. She thinks I’m sweet & “longs for finding a special person for serious relations”. So there’s always that.


I lost a good friend today, he asked me to pick up some non-alcoholic beer.


‘maybe the world wasn’t ready for pizza perfume’ i thought to myself as i hid in a dumpster, watching the townspeople try to eat each other