“I’m pretty good at not taking things personally,” she lied, after 4 hours of analyzing why he asked if she was having a bad day.

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Kuwait a minute. Yemen to tell me if Iraq up this war debt Iran the economy into Syria’s trouble? Oman, can someone tell me if this Israel?


Boss: You drink everyday and I think you need an intervention..

Me: I work everyday so I should quit that too?

Boss: No..

Me: Good talk


Boss: Can you look this up?
Me: (munching on donut) Internet’s closed.
Boss: Oh.
Me: Yeah, I think they’re vacuuming it or something.


I have way too much responsibility for someone who still isn’t sure if 12pm is noon or midnight.


If you’re only18, please don’t tweet philosophy and proverb verbiage based on your first love and the difficulty of your inexperienced life.


It’s like “society” expects you to wear “different clothes” every day.


Guy from back of room: IM DATING UR EX WIFE
BR: [sobbing] ok only one person gets hurt


Fun Fact: 100% of people don’t know what to do with a dirty dish at someone else’s house.


My moral compass must run on solar power because it definitely goes to sleep after dark.