@jackmackenroth: I'm pretty sure all of the 7 dwarfs were named after a stage of Snow Whites' heroin addiction.
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@AnitaHelmet: Doctor: Is there a chance you might be pregnant? Me: If I am, I’ll be giving birth to some batteries.
@TwatyTweets: When I have kids I'm gonna tell them drugs are good for them. It's the only way I can be sure they won't try them.
@ibid78: CASHIER: is there anything else I can help you with? ME: *pulls out my trigonometry homework from 1995* yes, yes there is
@Parkerlawyer: My husband is out of surgery and in recovery. What was the first thing my drug induced sweetheart said to me? That he loved me? That I was beautiful? That he missed me? Nope. Mashed potatoes. That’s what he said. Mashed potatoes. Get me some mashed potatoes.