@mack44_d
@karlainvt
My husband is mad at me because I’m finger quotes “condescending”.
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@karlainvt
@TheBoydP
Me: Wait, you think I’m a slow learner?
Wife: (two years earlier) Why are you such a slow learner?
@bogadafet
*puts on sports bra*
Well, that’s enough exercise for today…
@mejustbeth
Caution: Cutting corners may lead to extra corners.
@gneicco
Great. Ban gay marriage. Remember what happened during Prohibition? Now we’re going to have everyone making bathtub gay marriages.
@shariv67
God grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read.
@sonictyrant
[watching Avatar for the first time]
girlfriend: this is amazing
me: this is the most elaborate smurf village i’ve ever seen
@simoncholland
Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.
@TheRolo
Me: You’re a cat person aren’t you?
Her: [Completely ignores me]
Me: Knew it!
@TheAndrewNadeau
{Packing for trip}
ME: I always thought they were called “soupcases”.
HER: Why would they be called soupcases?
ME: Well why would they be called suitcases?
HER: Because they’re for your suits.
ME:
HER:
ME: Okay I need to repack.