I’m rabidly against plagiarism, but I guess if you’re going to steal something, a Columbus joke at least makes sense

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I missed a call from my mom, so I assume the helicopter that just flew over my house is part of the search crew she called.


Been in line for hours and I’m beginning to think this Radio Shack isn’t going to open.


Some of y’all never had to risk it all for a LimeWire download and it shows


Can’t wait for the release of Jurassic Park 4D where they just let dinosaurs loose in the theater and you have to try to survive for 2 hours


Dollar Tree pregnancy tests.

For when you only want to be 35% sure.


Me: Raise your right hand. No, your other hand. Your other hand. Your other hand. Your other hand. Your other hand. How many hands do you have??



Whoever decided to use pantyhose as a bank robbing disguise must have had one hell of a speech to convince his buds to follow along.


I wish I was a baby so I could pass out in public with a bottle and no one would look twice.