I don’t think that’s correct.
I’m reading a book about poltergeists.
It’s a real page turner.
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SIRI: Turn left in 100 feet
ME: [drives past turn]
SIRI: [exhales loudly in exasperation]
PROPHET DANIEL: Behold! the fourth beast had ten eyes and ten horns. Even the horns had eyes
KING BELSHAZZAR: do you even hear yourself Dan
Me: did you know that abbreviating names can be really confusing?
George Foreman: that’s interesting
In the Walking Dead how and when does the cop guy find time to clean, iron, and press his uniform during the zombie apocalypse?
Every time I see a white work van, I beat the driver unconscious, and check in the back. Sooner or later I’ll be a hero.
Netflix and scroll through the selections until it’s too late to start watching anything.
[on a plane]
Stewardess: “Would you like a mint? It’ll help your ears during takeoff”
Me: “Sure, can I have two?”
*puts one in each ear*
Pres: Our biggest fears have come true…
*I run to check on the donuts
*Stroll back in, spitting crumbs “what’s wrong?”
Murphy’s Law – If it can go wrong, it will go wrong. Cole’s Law – shredded cabbage in mayo