@Lerky

I’m really worried Justin Timberlake is going to have me naked by the end of this song.

You Might Also Like

@JaimeSamantha

My Boyfriend: Why are you so dramatic?

Me: (Getting eaten by a lion)

@Fred_Delicious

“Ok folks who ordered the macaroni & bees?”
“you mean cheese?”
[waiter struggling to keep bowl covered]
“that does make more sense actually”

@longwall26

A werewolf is chasing you and you are going to die but he’s wearing TOMS and you can’t stop laughing.

@BoogTweets

Me: *steps up to the plate, spits, adjusts cup, taps helmet*

Waiter: is there a problem

@geekysteven

[Not realizing Black Mirror episode is just stuck buffering]
“Ah yes, this is excellent social commentary”

@CaptainJerkwad

Went to a restaurant. The sign said “breakfast anytime.” So I ordered French toast during the renaissance

@matt___nelson

[PetSmart]
*approaches checkout with bird seed*
“that all for you today?”
Yes. How long does it usually take?
“For what?”
For them to grow

@J_Illunninati

The guy who made my sandwiches told me Have Fun as he handed them to me. Not sure what he thinks I was gonna do wit them

@Dis0beyJay

*Putting ikea furniture together*
Her: ummm, it’s supposed to be a dresser
Me:* Standing next to a wooden T.Rex* I KNOW WHAT IM DOING, LINDA